He can always make me smile <3

(via krumblinglikepastries)

These lyrics mean so much to me

How come the past chooses to haunt us. We’re supposed to be able to let go of the past. Not let the past define our future. But in truth, the past does define our future. It defines every moment of our present and our future. There are some things that I’m trying to hard to let go of. Things that I have never been proud of. But when you sit at home on a lonely night and reminisce about the things in the past, you begin to see patterns and reasons to why you act the way you do now. You begin to see how the past defined who you are, at this very moment. You see the reasons behind your actions. The reason you put a wall around your heart, or the reason your heart pounds in your ears when you hear someone yelling. Sometimes the things that make you who you are can bring a waterfall of tears to your eyes. Who would I be today if I didn’t go through the things that I did? Who would I be if my dad didn’t break my heart at a mere 7 years of age or if my mother and I hadn’t gone through the struggles that we did? Who would I be today if I hadn’t spent 6 months living in hell, if my best friend hadn’t killed herself or watched the love of my life fall in love with someone else? Who would I be if I didn’t cut my arms and make them bleed when my screams couldn’t be heard? Who would I be if I hadn’t shed a lake of tears, gotten kicked out of school because of my anxiety, or gone through countless hours of therapy? Who would I be if I hadn’t hit rock bottom? I’ve been to the bottom. I’ve been through the dimensions of hell. Hell is different for everyone, however the pain and agony one goes through whilst in hell is how we can relate to one another.  So yes, the past does define your future, but it’s up to you on how you let it define you. For the good, or for the bad. I chose the good.

This is one of my favourite songs right now… it’s amazing.. It holds so much meaning.